1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize