we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
even my farts smell like vagina
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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