I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
