no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
