i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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