Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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