i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize