I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
