i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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