im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I got her a Nickelback box set.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
