he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
