so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
