i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
No more Irish car bombs ever.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
