At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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