I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Randomize
