Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
