do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I supernannyed him into submission
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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