And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
