and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize