gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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