She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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