toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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