He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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