whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
