When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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