I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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