Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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