just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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