she woke up with a sticky ear
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
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