ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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