yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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