1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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