you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
