Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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