True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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