apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize