I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I FOUND THE LEGS
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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