Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
