I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
