things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
