Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize