i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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