Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i drank out of a bidet.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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