Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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