I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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