Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
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