did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
