So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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