Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Me too!
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
