Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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