someone get that fucking seahorse.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My ass is underappreciated
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If I die, sorry about rent.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
