I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
