love makes seman taste better
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
