You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize