Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I could fuck to npr.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
