it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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