you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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