Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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