Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
