i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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