I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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