the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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