I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
