I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
