Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
